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Reluctantly Related: Secrets to Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law, by Deanna Brann
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At last, Reluctantly Related: Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-in-Law or Daughter-in-Law gives us the definitive work on the all too common family dilemma of stressful relationships between mothers-in-law (MILs) and daughters-in law (DILs). Leading in-law relationship authority Dr. Deanna Brann delivers an insightful, stimulating guide for determining the root causes of mother-in-law/daughter-in-law difficulties and more importantly, provides the situation-specific, practical tools to change things for the better. While dealing with this often difficult or even painful subject, Reluctantly Related is engaging and wonderfully readable with its extensive use of real world conversation examples and lighthearted cartoons. Dr. Brann introduces you to her witty collection of mother-in-law, daughter-in-law and husband/son personality types - from Off-the Wall Wanda to Doubting Donna to Struggling Steven - and goes on to show you how to identify the types in your own family. She then explains in everyday language how combinations of these personality types present relationship challenges, but goes on to give practical, hands-on tools for mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law to improve their relationship. There has never been such an entertaining yet helpful resource on the specific problems between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. Reluctantly Related provides unique, straightforward help to any MIL/DIL challenged family, and should be required reading for newlyweds and their mothers!
- Sales Rank: #213046 in eBooks
- Published on: 2013-02-25
- Released on: 2013-02-25
- Format: Kindle eBook
Review
Reluctantly Related is an honest and engaging book that will help relieve the stress too often associated with the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship. I highly recommend it! --Christiane Northrup, M.D. author of the New York Times best sellers: Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause
Dr. Brann offers help where no other book has so fearlessly tread! What a positive, balanced, helpful resource this is for every family. No longer need the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship suffer the immortal bad press it has endured for ages. This book offers practical, positive help. It is filled with valuable insights and practical suggestions. --Pat Love, Ed.D. author the Truth About Love
Dr. Brann's professionalism and compassion helps both sides of the MIL-DIL relationship, bringing them together and giving women and their families hope and practical help in making their relationship more fulfilling and satisfying. The MIL-DIL relationship is an important one indeed and this book is an important one to read to aid you in making this relationship thrive. --Sandra Yancey - Founder & CEO eWomenNetwork, Inc.
Dr. Brann offers help where no other book has so fearlessly tread! What a positive, balanced, helpful resource this is for every family. No longer need the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship suffer the immortal bad press it has endured for ages. This book offers practical, positive help. It is filled with valuable insights and practical suggestions. --Pat Love, Ed.D. author the Truth About Love
Dr. Brann's professionalism and compassion helps both sides of the MIL-DIL relationship, bringing them together and giving women and their families hope and practical help in making their relationship more fulfilling and satisfying. The MIL-DIL relationship is an important one indeed and this book is an important one to read to aid you in making this relationship thrive. --Sandra Yancey - Founder & CEO eWomenNetwork, Inc.
About the Author
Dr. Deanna Brann is a leading authority on the relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law. She has a passion for healthy, vibrant relationships in this highly important, yet sometimes challenging connection. With more than 25 years of experience practicing psychology and helping individuals, couples and families, she is now a highly sought after speaker and author. She is also the author of Mothers-in-Law & Daughters-in-Law Say the Darndest Things!
Most helpful customer reviews
15 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Change the Balance
By Free2Read
Deanna Brann (Ph.D) presents the problems inherent between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Better she offers solutions to try.
It seems that in every family, there is one person misunderstood and causing chaos. This could be a certain type of mother-in-law or a certain type of daughter-in-law. So imagine the explosions when those two types are involved in the same family.
Brann presents the same scenario from each point of view, helping a mother-in-law understand how her seemingly innocuous remark or behavior could set off her daughter-in-law's rage. Or the daughter-in-law makes a commitment for a family date and then changes it, so the mother-in-law is steaming mad.
And in the middle are the son and the grandkids. With Brann's clear writing, exercises, and belief that there can be peace. the family can come into balance. She puts forward a "try this" approach to conversations and to actions. Truly, this book offers not just psychological reasons for the problems but solutions that don't require a therapist.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Instructive!
By Dr. Joseph S. Maresca
Reluctantly Related - Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-in Law or
Daughter - in- Law by Dr. Deanna Brann is an important family resource for
resolving differences between in-laws on a whole range of difficult and
uncomfortable subjects. The author explains how to bring lasting change to
these relationships which tend to be highly contentious at times.
Dr. Brann explains that the in-law relationships are artificial in that they
are creatures of the law. In-laws are generally at different stages of life and
this is in great part the reason for contention. In-laws each carry a certain
amount of emotional baggage which only exacerbates bad feelings and
ill will. In fact, some mothers -in laws have mixed feelings about their changed
role with a son or daughter who was previously close and now is more distant.
Dr. Brann explains the necessity of establishing clearly definable boundaries
with parents and in-laws so that expectations are more in line with reality. As such,
a mother-in-law must understand her new role so that actions and words reflect
true intentions and not unrealistic expectations. In this new relationship, a
mother-in-law should treat the new extended family with respect. The important
thing is to navigate this new relationship without making too many waves.
The author provides examples which demonstrate how humor can shift the power
balance and "break the ice" for all parties involved. The book comes with extensive
check lists and scoring keys so that users know how they are doing at various
stages while navigating the text.
Reluctantly Related - Secrets To Getting Along With Your Mother-in Law or
Daughter - in- Law by Dr. Deanna Brann is an important treatise on how to
deal with in-laws in a whole variety of contexts and difficult situations. The author
provides clear guidance on how to deal with classic personality types. This is
not the kind of advice that is written in a book. Instead, the contents typify the
experiential domain of human relations.
Credits: First Published on Blogcritics
14 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Ground-Breaking Guide
By S.K. Hall PhD
RELUCTANTLY RELATED is a unique, ground-breaking guide to understanding and helping the often difficult relationship between mother-in-law (MIL) and daughter-in-law (DIL). Dr. Brann, a psychologist and mother-in-law herself, presents her extensive interview research on this delicate relationship with a humor and clarity that make her work a delight to read and a handbook for more successful relationships.
In Part I, Dr. Brann first shares her personal story of the once troubled relationship between herself and her daughter-in-law. She then explains 5 reasons why the relationship between MIL and DIL is so challenging: the relationship is "artificial," MILs and DILs are at different stages of life, each has different personal history and "baggage," each have their own "perceptions" (what is reality), and each may react (or over-react) in situations. There is no blame for either MIL or DIL, just a clear explanation that makes you respond 'well that makes sense.'
In Part II, Dr. Brann uses catchy names for the "characters" in the relationship (MILs, DILs, and Sons), and the names actually describe the common personality types that she discovered in her interviews. So, for MILs there is: Comfortable Carla, Mothering Margaret, Off-the-Wall Wanda, and Uncertain Sara. For DILs there is: Confident Connie, Doubting Donna, Weird Wendy, and Transitioned Tracey. For Sons there is Self-Assured Andy, In-the-Middle Michael, and Struggling Steven. Dr. Brann gives an in-depth description of each personality type, and how each tends to function in the MIL-DIL (and Son) relationship. Using Dr. Brann's descriptions, and her helpful Questionnaires and Scoring Keys in the Appendix, a reader can identify which type that she (or he) is and which type their in-law is. Very helpful information, indeed.
In Part III, Dr. Brann begins the delicate work of helping MILs and DILS see what pattern that they may have created in their relationship: the "Camelot" pattern, the "Walking-on-Egglshells" pattern, the "Does She Seem Nuts to You" pattern, or the "It Is...What It Is" pattern. She especially highlights how in these patterns both MIL and DIL have "perceptions" and "reactions" that shape the pattern. She offers an exercise to help each see what their "perceptions" and "reactions" may be, and how these are influencing the pattern. Then in the following chapters, she strategically suggests how each personality in this equation can act in a more successful way. For example, in the chapter "When Your Daughter-in-Law Is a Doubting Donna" she makes several suggestions for the MIL about holding back on "mothering" and instead treating her DIL as a competent adult. Or, in the chapter "When Your MIL Is an Uncertain Sara" she makes several suggestions for the DIL about clarifying her MIL's role within the family, as well as her own role and her husband's role. This is solid, practical material to guide people who want to make important changes for a more workable relationship.
Dr. Brann is engaging and informative throughout this timeless and invaluable book. I have highly recommended RELUCTANTLY RELATED to family, friends, and clients, and I look forward to Dr. Brann's continuing insights on this significant relationship.
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